The Roles People Play in Your Life Part 2

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PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES

For-a-reason

For-a-season

For-ever

For never

1. FOR-A-REASON PEOPLE

• You are called into each other’s lives for a reason: it could be one-sided or reciprocal.

• Reasons for the connection mostly become clear after a while, but the impact lasts a lifetime.

• Personal or professional connections teach, form, influence, or even bring love for a unique purpose.

• Whether connections last or not, positive and permanent change result.

• They may be the rock in your shoe God uses to help you change direction or grow.

• Whether painful of pleasurable, you may not have a choice in having them part of your life.

A HEALTHY RESPONSE

• It was meant to be, whether painful or blissful.

• Blissful may not mean it is permanent; don’t keep it going artificially.

• Painful may not mean run away; rather stay and learn the lessons.

• The wisdom and experience gained may be in hindsight only.

• Thank God for them, they are mostly godsends that make you stronger.

• Treasure the lessons learned; keep the good, let go of the bad.

When Hennie was a Regent University student upon our arrival in the United States, the small church we attended became our family. Pastor Jim and Judy Kilpatrick gave us unbelievable love and support while Hennie was going through the burn-trauma that almost killed him. They didn’t miss a day visiting us in the hospital, praying over us, making sure our needs were met, and believing with us for our miracle. It is unthinkable how we could have survived without them during that time.

Sadly, our connection ended when we went back to South Africa, never to resume when we returned to America several years later. They are no longer in our lives but forever in our hearts. They cared for us, valued us, taught us how to love people, gathered people to pray for us, and showed us what commitment looks like. It was a God connection we treasure for life, knowing they were in our lives for a very important reason.

Another friendship ended with loads of pain and guilt, yet somehow by the grace of God left us changed for the good. We were closer than blood relatives and did life together for many years, clearly in each other’s lives for specific reasons. Somehow disappointment and unfulfilled expectations resulted in a complete severance of our relationship that broke our hearts, but we learned from our mistakes and are stronger and wiser as a result.

We learned that love is not enough, but deep commitment is required to sustain meaningful relationships.

Some friendships are not meant to last but used by God to shape, grow, and prepare us for the future. School fees for life lessons frequently come at staggering costs—sometimes in money, other times in tears. Let’s not hurt in vain.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

Have you suffered broken relationships that will never be put back together again? Have they left you in sadness and with regret too much to bear?

What if they were in your life for a reason—possibly to make you stronger and wiser? Give it to God, hold on to the lessons learned, and look forward. Don’t let past pain steal your present. It is amazing how God gives beauty for ashes and restores brokenness you will never be able to fix.

PRAYER

God, thank you for Jesus. Thank You that You knew I was weak, so You sent Your Son to bear my sorrow. I give You my broken heart, my failed relationships, the losses I suffered by relationships that no longer exist. Thank You for working it together for my good. I now give ______________________ to You. They no longer belong to me. I ask You to heal and restore my heart. I ask that You take care of them wherever they are—show Yourself strong in them and bless them. Thank You for a new day and a new closeness with You, hiding me under the shadow of Your mighty wings. I am safe, healed, and able to love with an unbroken heart. I give You praise! Amen.

2. FOR-A-SEASON PEOPLE

• They come into your life to share a season before they have to go again.

• You share positive experiences, not necessarily deep personal connection.

• Enjoyable, lasting relationships may be possible but somehow don’t happen.

• Circumstances such as relocation, jobs, marriage, or life seasons distance you.

• They may seem like lifelong connections but don’t survive beyond commonalities.

• Common needs, hobbies, or life seasons may connect you temporarily.

A HEALTHY RESPONSE

• Cherish them for the shared experience you’ve had for a season.

• Treasure them as a positive memory of a season gone by.

• Connections are usually uncomplicated, supportive and enjoyable.

• Let them go when need be; neither they nor you should feel any guilt.

It was my last day at my dream job of teaching at Joubert Park Technical College in Johannesburg, South Africa. I had to say good-bye.

I was a young mom with changing circumstances that called me to the next season in life. We enjoyed our tea and cake in the staff lounge before colleagues presented their kind parting remarks about our time together on the same team. Sentiments of appreciation and good wishes were expressed after which it was my time to speak. I don’t remember much of my speech, except my final words that resounded loudly in my soul as I said them:

“It was good to know each one of you.”

Somewhere in the middle of my talk, the reality struck me that I might never see these colleagues I had come to love and respect again. What we had in common was soon to dissipate, leaving no grounds for further connection. I felt hopeless realizing those relationships would end. They were strong yet professional, not the ones that easily survive change. It was a marvelous season in my young life, but I walked away from them as I walked away from that season.

I loved my childhood friends, especially the two girls who lived next door and across the street from us, Ronel and Linda. We shared our formative, elementary school, and high school years as close as it gets. They were both older than me; I was the younger one tagging along learning and experiencing new things with them my entire childhood.

I experienced their dating seasons, falling in and out of love seasons, and finally their beautiful wedding days. Why in the world did we allow these bonds to weaken? We all married, chose different paths to pursue, and I moved away halfway around the globe.

These connections were deep and extremely meaningful, but now sit tugged away in a season gone by. Ronel and I connect regularly, whether on social media or during my visits to South Africa where she still lives with her beautiful family. Linda passed away recently, which I found out only several months ago when I aggressively tried finding her after a lifetime of no contact.

I grieved the loss of her life deeply even though we shared no seasons beyond our first eighteen years of life. She was my close friend, I loved and cared about her deeply. These two girls were in my life for a fantastic season, I wish our connection could have lived on, but sadly it did not.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

Holding on to past seasons holds you back from all the present has to offer. It may help if you are open to considering that some past or broken relationships were never meant to remain a lifetime. Don’t settle them in the recesses of your heart wrapped in guilt or judgment, but set them free to live on as beautiful memories of connections brought to you for a season. This may be challenging if you are a lover of people, but those in your life right now are the ones that deserve your full attention.

PRAYER

God, I give to You those things I don’t understand, those relationships no longer healthy or alive in my heart. Help me to embrace the seasons in my life; the one I’m in right now and the ones in my past and future. Please help and strengthen me now to wrap seasons gone by in grace and beauty as I trust You to guide me according to Your will. I release my need to understand it all, trusting that You work all things together for my good, according to Your Word. Let Your will be done.

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