Danger Zones to Avoid in Marriage

Let’s cut to the chase. . . When you read this, you will know what it means. You will also know if you are currently near or inside one or more of these danger zones. Let's talk.

Zones to avoid like the plague:

1. Sin

2. Complicated family relationships

3. Unmet basic individual needs

4. Time starvation

5. Who is first? Vague priorities

6. Acting on feelings

7. No romance

8. Finding fun outside marriage

9. Holding grudges

10. Financial disunity or chaos

11. Stopped laughing out loud

12. No mutual assistance

13. No room for pursuing passions

14. No cheers or celebration

15. No break in routine

HOW DID YOU GET THERE?

Resistance to the unity plan pushes you right into the danger zones. What unity plan?

Marriage is supposed to be beautiful—it is an out-of-this-world union where two total strangers decide to walk together as one. God’s plan is for opposites to attract. How do I know that? Because it is true in most marriages, it was meant to be. God designed it that way. Why would that be? Imagine the alternative where people only marry their mirror images, those who act and think exactly the way they do. Can you see where this is going?

Opposites are supposed to fill in each other’s shortcomings to create a healthy, whole, balanced union. What that means is each will win some and lose some. When neither wants to lose, no one wins in marriage. A marriage wins when someone becomes less. If no one wants to be less . . . friction, fireworks, injury, pain, destruction, and every evil thing that thrives in chaos has free reign. It is a fast track to the danger zone.

Beauty in marriage only comes as both spouses yield to each other, prefer each other, and honor each other, multiplying their capacity from that of one person to “the sky is the limit”.

When two people walk in unity, there is almost nothing they can’t accomplish.

They keep each other warm, defend each other, and carry each other’s dreams, creating room for healthy spiritual and personal growth. This is the unity plan.

There is a catch. Danger looms in the discomfort, impatience, and dying to selfish desires when opposites oppose instead of attract. It creates a force so great that it can generate power that destroys the whole plan.

NOW WHAT?

What to do when you are close or inside one of these fifteen zones? So glad you asked! Here are 3 easy, completely doable ice breakers that will at least get you going. There is no other way out than one simple step at a time. Even a first grader could accomplish the following, so if you need help, find one and ask for assistance. No sarcasm here, your kids would LOVE to help you with these tasks:

One thing today . . .

Do something TODAY that you haven’t done in a long time, something that will elevate your spouse. One thing!

One thing tomorrow . . .

Do something TOMORROW that is uncomfortable to you, but will benefit your spouse greatly. One thing!

One weekend . . .

Get a sitter, book a hotel, and get out of town for at least two days. No kids, no family, just you and your spouse. One weekend!

If it worked, repeat. If it didn't, repeat.

When you were dating, you had feelings first and then you acted. Remember how that went? Now that you are married that is no longer the case—for the most part. You act first and then you will feel. Sorry, but it changed, so get with the program and be the bigger person.

Don’t wait; it’s not going to get better by itself.

If it’s good now, it can get even better. Now that is good news.

You go first.

Don’t go rummaging in the past; it is rotten and smelly.

Go make some love happen.

Today. You can do it.

---

Picture at top: Several years ago in Maui, Hawaii. Paradise, you should go!