What My Kids Taught Me About Parenting

The guiding principle during our thirty-something years of parenting was to raise God-fearing, balanced, and responsible adults, not cute and witty kids.

Yes we probably were too serious, but maybe not . . . Our investment was mainly God and education. Vacations, traditions, and fun times were important yet peripheral to serving God and others.

Creating a new culture

We lived in three intersecting cultures: the one we grew up in, the one our kids grew up in, and God’s. In many ways these are light-years apart. We wanted them to feel connected to the country and culture we left behind, while guiding them to function successfully in the world they had to live in and succeed.

Painful as it was, we had to embrace reality that meant letting go of many aspects of what was near and dear to us. Language is one example, as so much culture is wrapped up in a language.

Each family is a blend of different realities. Parents have to realize they are pioneering a new culture—the one they decide to offer their children.

Three kids, three (thousand) lessons:

1. DON’T DELAY OR COMPROMISE GOD’S STANDARDS

The dramatic entry of our first child into our world introduced us to more love than we could ever have imagined. She demanded truth and direction early on. We had to reach deep and stretch far in order to balance guiding her in what we expected, while giving her the freedom to explore and learn.

Parenting offered us no rehearsal; we had to learn fast, keep up and not mess up. Thank God for His direction as well as His grace that covered where we fell short.

Her determined and strong-willed nature left no room for compromise or delay in imparting God’s truth, for it could have left her frustrated and possibly caused rebellion. God was faithful to capture her heart at a young age, as we unequivocally stood by His Word as best we knew how. She still loves clear purpose and deep, meaningful relationships with no room for pretense. Parenting her was quite a ride, an adventurous journey we'll treasure forever.

*Give it to your kids the way it is as soon as they are ready for it.

*Don’t compromise—there’s not always room or time to backtrack.

*Pick your battles or risk losing the important ones.

*Consider their spirit to guide it and not break it.

No prolonged infancies among us, please. We’ll not tolerate babes in the woods, small children who are an easy mark for imposters. God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth, and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.

Ephesians 4:14-16 (MSG)

2. GIVE LOVE THE FIGHT IT REQUIRES

Our second child arrived. Blood disorders, blindness, seizures, procedures, needles, surgeries, endless doctor’s visits, and tests came wrapped up in this perfect little bundle—our gift from heaven. Never could we have imagined the pain of a parent’s heart ripped apart seeing their child suffer.

Parenting has no instant recipe. Far from being hobbies, projects, or accessories, kids are live assignments entrusted to us by God.

Battles for his life caused me to see angels in breathtaking visions. It also caused me to see demons that had to flee at the sound of God’s Word. It required times of no sleep with much prayer and fasting. At times, nothing felt good to the flesh except holding and caring for the tender body of this perfect little boy that changed us, grew our hearts, all whilst teaching us to enjoy each smile life offers.

Between our love for him and each victory stood a giant of sickness and destruction, so we had to fight to stay in faith, resist the plans of the enemy, and enforce the promises of God on a constant basis. He is our delight. We are grateful.

*Celebrate accomplishments big and small.

*Fight, fight, fight the good fight of faith—never lose faith in God.

*Don’t compare kids; fair doesn’t mean everyone is treated the same.

*Stop expecting life to be fair, for it’s not, but God is just.

Then he said to me, “Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty-one days; and behold, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I had been left alone there with the kings of Persia.”

Daniel 10:12-13 (NKJV)

3. LET KIDS HEAR FROM GOD FOR THEMSELVES

Our third child was a calm-natured baby, an even-tempered child who brought more joy and delight to our world. Yet again, our understanding of love expanded in new ways. His strong internal motivation and determination to experience many things for himself kept us on our knees. We learned to back off when needed, yet stay in close relationship at the same time in order to prevent alienating him. We trusted God to capture his heart in a powerful way so that no matter how or where he followed his dreams, his heart would be safely set on loving God.

As a teenager and college student, we had to let go far more than what was comfortable. He had to find his own voice, solidify his own principles and hear from God personally. When I could not talk to him, I talked to God; I prayed the things I could not say.

Parenting is a journey of discernment in how to lead children to find God for themselves.

Thank God, he made it home safely; he chose to live God’s way, and we enjoy a close relationship with him.

*Pray the things you can’t say.

*Fight for their relationship with God and you—sometimes in silence.

*Let love cover a journey you wished your adult child didn’t take.

*Be a student of the needs of your kids—it could take a lifetime.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

It's never too early to start raising godly, healthy adults. Let kids be kids, but parents should parent at all times.

Be prepared to be honest and straightforward when need be.

Fast for their future and God’s promises.

Pray even when you don’t see.

Discern their hearts; keep a finger on the pulse of their passion.

Have fun.

Laugh.

Lighten up.

Keep boundaries—they love it, really.

Admit your mistakes and weaknesses.

Keep lines of communication open at almost any cost.

Love their dad/mom.

Above all, teach them the ways of God and show them Jesus by your life.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5 (NIV)

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