What to Do With All the Imperfect People?

Why do we expect people to be perfect?

Even in the struggle with our own imperfections, our default is set to a huge list of expectations of others.

We are too often incapable of mercy, constructing different sized and shaped boxes to safely stash others away in.

As long as we can figure others out, label them, compare them with ourselves, and assign them to a box, we feel safe.

In talking to a married couple recently, their blindness to their boxes for each other was astounding. Completely unaware of their unrealistic expectations, they were drowning in their own righteousness. They were done, exhausted, ready to call it quits. Their main complaint? The inadequacies of the other person.

Expectations, especially unfulfilled ones, damage and destroy relationships every day.

Lives and families suffer from the resulting disappointment, yet this hungry monster goes undetected in the safe harbor of hearts that desperately want everything to be perfect.

Expectations are killers, especially when they are unrealistic.

They are nasty beasts that trap their prey in a web of striving for the impossible. Who can live with the constant failure of castles built on sinking sand? Not only the failure of others, but also that of living up to personal inward striving.

Expectations don’t simply linger, they grow, especially when fed with visions of the glass always being half empty.

The frustrations with depravity are projected towards marriage partners, children, co-workers, or any other people-connections. Most of the time, others are unaware of these expectations. They may not clearly see what is causing the storm, but see the manipulation, threats, irritability, and constant state of disillusionment that results.

Yes . . .

People are imperfect. Life is not always grand. Others mess up all the time.

Yet . . .

It is unthinkable what the mercy of God will rescue.

It is mind-blowing what the grace of God will allow.

It is simply astounding what the blood of Jesus will cover.

King David is a great example. God said: “I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all My will”. David became the ancestor of God’s Son, a forefather of Jesus Christ.

David was a murderer. Did God know that when he said David was a man after His own heart? David was an adulterer, a liar, and an impulsive manipulator. Still God saw in David a man after His own heart—He saw David as the greatest king that ever lived in the midst of the rubble of imperfection.

Paul who wrote most of the New Testament is another example. God restored this persecutor of Christians who violently killed countless people in cold blood for their beliefs. God saw the plan he had for Paul even amid the sound of the martyrs’ final cries during executions.

Looking only at depravity destroys all hope, eliminates trust, strips all joy, and leaves us defeated. Hidden in every person and circumstance is the seed for change, growth, and prosperity. Depravity is not going away, neither is the tendency to place expectations on others just short of what they satisfy.

People are not perfect. They will cause deep hurt and tempt every selfish notion of the human heart. Still we expect them to be perfect, act appropriately, hear God perfectly, never stumbling as they go about their lives.

Many people suffer mistrust because of horrible things that happened to them—unfair pain haunts multitudes. Some pain will never go away until it dies in place, in the heart of the bearer, by the power of God.

Blame is often the last resort when expectations are not met.

Blame needs a host. It has to rest on something or someone. If blame does not find lodging in your own heart or on those around you, it has only one other place to go—to God. It must then be God not living up to expectations, for if He were God, why so much trouble here on earth?

Why is everything so imperfect? Falling into the sea of unfulfilled expectations with God is a very hard fall.

What then is the solution?

Humble Yourself

It is not hard. Admit you have tried fixing people and circumstances you can never change. You have limitations. You are not responsible for everything around you.

You are allowed to mess up sometimes.

What you clean up today will need cleaning again another day. It does not mean you throw in the towel; it means that you decide to be selective, to change what is in your power, while letting others be who they are.

As you change and grow in room for error, you will see your world in vivid colors only noticeable with glasses of grace.

Own Your Circumstances

Feed on the grass on your side of the fence. The notion that the grass is greener on the other side is an illusion. Your best chance for happiness is right in front of you. Turn your head away from looking over the crowds that irritate you, toward those next to you.

Your world is what it is. It is where you are today, filled with promise for tomorrow.

Settle in to the goodness that exists in your reality, taking responsibility to make it better with grace and not judgment. The playing field in life is not even and never will be, but notwithstanding, you can still play a jolly good game.

Step Back

Take a step back to ponder the space of grace God gives us all as He did with David and Paul. It is mercy that reins us in when life sweeps us away. It is God’s amazing grace that gives us room when imperfection is all we have. It is the love of God that gives us a foundation to stand on and a way back to a beautiful life. It is amazing what the blood of Jesus will cover.

The next time you sink into a pit of unfulfilled expectations with all the damnation of judging imperfect people, consider God’s grace towards you. There is no end to His grace for you.

He has no expectations you have to live up to in order to qualify for His grace.

Simply take it. Receive it with all your heart so you can experience the peace it brings to live outside the entrapment of expecting others to be perfect.

It is amazing what the blood of Jesus will cover . . .

There is no imperfection in this world that is too great for God to make well.

There is no broken heart too wounded for God to make whole again.

There is no shame too deep for God to replace it with beauty.

With God, all things are possible. Maybe not the way we want it to be, but God’s plans are always greater than our own.

Find Help

It starts with being honest with someone you can trust, someone who really loves you. There is someone in your world that really cares about you. Open your eyes, they are closer than you think. If you have trouble finding them, find professional help from a godly, trusted counselor. As you voice your inner struggle, relief will come.

Ultimately, there is One that loves you more than anyone else—someone who is able to fill in all the imperfections in your life.

His name is Jesus. He is only a breath away; you can talk to Him any time. You will find true life and light as you draw close to God, accepting the sacrifice of Jesus Christ—the perfect One that had to die to pay for all our imperfections.

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The bottom line in dealing with imperfections of others present several options:

Change them, which will not work.

Change the circumstances, which may work in part.

Change your response, which is the only way to fully succeed.

It requires more strength to change our own responses than that of others.

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Pictures: Disney Mall in Orlando, Florida. This is not one of the parks but a mall with any kind of themed restaurant you can think of. Just a fun day on our One Year RVing trip. A first doing Disney with no kids!!!