The Roles People Play in Your Life Part 1

Growing up in the sixties and seventies in South Africa, I was taught to be courteous to others and respectful of elders without question. At least, that is how I understood expectations at the time. It proved to be invaluable in giving people the respect they deserve but also caused me to look up to adults almost to a fault.

The fine line between respecting others and misplaced submission turned out blurry in my judgment at times.

My red hair and freckles were the cause of painful bullying that caused me unspeakable shame and hurt. In school I was frequently teased and called all kinds of names no one had a problem with except me, every day seemed open season for assaults on the way I looked. I was ashamed of my appearance, often feeling ugly and tainted. I can’t believe I’m even writing about it.

Thank God, I had a strong family, a naturally bright outlook on life, and a healthy understanding of who God was, which I believe is the reason for any kind of normalcy in my adult life. Also, my dad’s love and admiration covered a multitude of onslaughts to my identity. He loved me, especially my red hair, and made no secret of it, which held my heart together.

Once at a family gathering my red hair again became the object of name-calling. I was teased to the point of tears. I ran to my mom because I was so hurt. I didn’t know what else to do. My uncle overheard what happened and started questioning me about what was going on. He was a strong figure in our family and his interrogation intimidated me so much that I told him what he wanted to hear. I lied to him. I was not used to arguing with adults and changed my story out of fear. I told him that no one teased me, so everyone went back to what they were doing before I interrupted the activities.

That night did something in my heart besides breaking it. It started a battle to make peace with who I was in a world that haphazardly defines others by whatever whim it happens to follow. It took a lifetime to come to a healthy understanding of the choice I have to surround myself with people who love me, as opposed to giving anyone who enters my life a leading role.

Mrs. Vorster, my fifth grade teacher was different. She persistently valued and respected me by going out of her way to help me believe I could be everything I ever dreamed and more. She remained an influence in my life long after I left her class and celebrated milestones with me as if she owed me something. She didn’t owe me anything but taught me what no textbook could; there is beauty in every life, pay no mind to naysayers, and shoot for the moon. I admired her, wanted to be like her, and make her proud, which may very well be the reason for this blog post.

I’m sure you also recall people who pushed you down and those who lifted you up, well aware of how the roles people play affect the outcome of your future. The right people in the right roles are crucial for reaching your goals and potential, while the wrong people in the wrong roles rob you of God’s promises.

Some connections may seem right or even feel good but may not be God’s will to foster.

Others we may resist, while staged by God to be part of His plan for our lives. How do we figure this out? What are the criteria for those in leading roles in our lives?

STAY CLOSE WITH GOD

Staying close with God and hearing from Him is first and foremost in discerning friendships correctly. God may not speak to you audibly about each person in your life, but being mindful about our connections and asking God to open and close doors according to His will, is wise.

It does not mean every relationship is all about you, it very well may all be about the other person but be part of God’s plan to teach you, train you, and bring goodness to your world.

Part of staying close with God is staying close with other people who also love God passionately, especially when it comes to choosing close friends. We all need people who can be honest with us about blind spots that often occur in our relationships. Trust those who care about you, those who love God and want the best for you. Staying close to God and His people, submitting ourselves to godly counsel, can save us from a world of trouble!

BE MINDFUL OF PEOPLE’S ROLES

People play different roles on our life-stage. Defining these roles is not meant to defame or minimize anyone. Rather, it brings wisdom about our current influences, clarifies reasons for possible relationship pain, and adds a touch of logic to the mostly emotional decision of choosing connections.

All the people in our lives fall into one of four roles that we will discuss in the next blog.

It is quite detailed, so get ready to take some time and journey with me through all the different people in your life in PART 2 of this blog.

Read Part 2 ...

Read Part 3 ...